The gathering held after a funeral service goes by many names in Britain: the wake, the reception, the funeral tea, or simply “back to the house”. Whatever it’s called, it plays an important part in how families and communities grieve together. If you’re unfamiliar with what happens at a wake, or you’re arranging one for the first time, this guide explains what to expect.
What Is a Wake?
A wake is the informal gathering that follows a funeral service, where mourners come together to share memories, offer condolences to the family, and mark the occasion in a less formal setting.
Historically, a wake referred to the vigil kept beside the deceased before burial, often held in the family home. In modern Britain, the meaning has shifted almost entirely to the post-funeral gathering, though the older tradition survives in some Irish and Catholic communities.
Why Wakes Matter
Funeral services are, by their nature, formal and often brief. There’s little opportunity for mourners to speak to one another or to the family properly. The wake fills that gap, giving people space to talk, remember, and support one another.
Many families describe the wake as the point where the day shifts from grief towards celebration. Stories are shared, laughter often surfaces, and people discover connections they never knew existed. For the bereaved family, hearing others speak about their loved one can be profoundly comforting.
Where to Hold a Wake
Venue choice depends on numbers, budget, and the character of the person being remembered.
Pubs and hotels are the most common choice, and many have function rooms specifically used for funeral receptions. Staff at these venues are usually experienced with the occasion and handle it sensitively.
Village halls, community centres, and church halls offer a more affordable option and suit larger gatherings, though you’ll usually need to arrange catering separately.
The family home remains a popular choice for smaller, more intimate gatherings. It’s the most personal option, though it does place the burden of hosting on people who are already exhausted.
Sports clubs, working men’s clubs, and social clubs are worth considering if the person was a member, as these venues often held real meaning for them.
Food and Drink
Traditional funeral catering in Britain is simple and familiar: sandwiches, sausage rolls, quiche, cake, and endless pots of tea. There’s no need for anything elaborate.
Many families choose to include a favourite dish of the person being remembered, which often becomes a talking point and a warm tribute in itself.
A bar is common at wakes held in pubs or clubs. Whether it’s a free bar or a paid one is entirely your choice, and nobody will judge either decision.
Personal Touches
Wakes offer scope for personalisation that the formal service sometimes doesn’t. Photograph displays and memory boards are enormously popular and give people something to gather around. A memory book where guests can write recollections becomes a treasured keepsake afterwards.
Playing music the person loved changes the atmosphere entirely. Some families display items connected to hobbies or passions: fishing gear, football memorabilia, gardening tools, or artwork.
Practical Points
Announce the wake details clearly, ideally on the order of service, so people know where to go. Include the address and rough timings.
Consider whether the wake is open to everyone or family only, and communicate this politely if it’s the latter.
Don’t feel obliged to stay to the end. Families often leave before the gathering finishes, and everyone understands.
At T. Allen Funeral Service, we can advise on local venues across Kent and Medway and help coordinate arrangements so the day runs smoothly from start to finish.